First Chapters

She took the key from Ayen’s hand and opened the door. They fell into the room colliding first with a small table and then with a solid oak wardrobe. Elef called out in mock pain but did not stop pulling at Ayen’s clothing. His own hands were tugging at her coat and then her cardigan, her blouse, her bra. His tongue was finding her mouth, her own darting to and fro. It was a dance. Their bodies circling each other as their hands continued to tear and pull at any remaining clothes.

The room was cold, their breath misting but neither cared. Ayen fell upon the bed first, tugging frantically at his underpants, whilst Elef tore her own undergarments off before tumbling onto him and digging her plain nails into the skin at his shoulders. She was wet with desire, and he slipped into her easily. They began to make love with new bodies but ancient desires. She knew him well, muscle memory from times past gripping them both. Close to a thousand lifetimes reverberated through their bodies. She rolled him over and sat above him easing her thigh muscles up and down, feeling the hardness of his ribcage in her hands. He moaned gently as he ran smooth fingers around her breasts and softly caressed her nipples.

They were gentle and violent; passionate and calculating; swift but leisurely. They knew each well but even so, the physicality of their bodies let them down and Ayen came within a few minutes. He held his erection and came again before finally bringing Elef’s body to climax. She rolled over onto her side and kissed him gently. As they began to relax the chill of the room started to settle on their nakedness and Elef slipped under the blankets. The stiff cotton sheets were almost as cold, and she shivered involuntarily.

Ayen sat naked seemingly unaware of his breath as it hung like tissue paper in the air between them. Elef finally had time to see her lover’s new body.  Dark down-like hairs matted his arms and became more forest-like across his chest; the slight paunch of middle age along with a flabbiness clothing his muscles. Yet his arms looked thin and Elef could see bone and tendons beneath delicate skin. There was a band around his wrist and Elef recognised what it stood for.

Ayen coughed again and then rolled off the bed landing ungainly in a stumble, “I think I saw a restaurant downstairs.” He patted his coat pockets. “And I need more cigarettes. Do you need any?” He asked slipping his shirt over an arm. Elef bunched the bedding under her chin and looked at Ayen.

“Mmmm? Pardon?”

“Cigarettes; do you need any?”

For a second Elef could not remember if Sharon smoked. “No. No I only smoke at home or when we’re out. I’m married.” She added flatly.

Ayen did not falter but continued to dress. “I saw your wedding ring.” He lifted his own left hand to show a pale gold circle around the base of his ring finger. “I have three children. There’s a photo somewhere in my coat if you want to see.” He knew she would not want that. “Two boys and a girl. Oldest is off to Cambridge next year.” He felt as always a compulsion to talk about a life that was unreal when compared to what he and Elef had. She remained silent. He pulled his trousers up and fumbled with the belt.

Elef picked up the courage to ask him. “Why do you have a hospital band on your wrist? Have you just come out?”

Ayen glanced at the band. “I have cancer, of the lung.” He coughed again as if reminded. “I don’t have long.”

Elef felt her heart contract as a host of selfish thoughts entered her mind.

“I am so sorry.” Was all she could think to say.

Ayen raised the arm containing the band. “I’m supposed to be there now, but I felt you, even at a distance. I had to come.”

“Pedico!” She swore in Latin.

 Ayen laughed hollowly and sat on the bed to kiss Elef again.

“Don’t start without me. I shall not be long.”

Elef snorted and blew him a kiss as he shut the door behind him. She cuddled down under the blankets and thought about her lives with Ayen. The sex was almost always remarkable despite whoever they were at the time, but it was the relief of finding themselves again; the time they would now spend speaking, or not, about their past. Ayen was the only one Elef could do this with; the single person who fully understood her, the one person she could share with because Ayen was the one constant in her life.

Of course, the downside was the realisation of who they truly were, and the effect each had upon the other. This one constant meant a lifetime of not-quite, of nearly or could-have-been. The dissatisfaction that came after the revelation could easily tear them apart. Sharon and Larry were merely casualties, as were Ayen’s own family, in their never-ending lifetimes. They had long given up on the coincidences that tied them together but even so, any other bus and she would not be sitting here waiting.

The memories would fade somewhat. The emotions would diminish over time but now she knew of Ayen nothing else mattered. No matter what happened from now in this life she would look wistfully to the past and to some untouchable future. No lovers touch would now compare to Ayen’s. No conversation could be as intimate as the ones they alone shared.

The touch of his hand upon her body had seared itself into her forever and now she was surrounded by mere trinkets and bagatelles. All around Elef could see only a world flowing past them. A fleeting moment in comparison to the perpetuity of their lives. To find that solid centre and to be close to losing it so quickly was almost more than Elef could bear. She took out a small lace handkerchief and wiped her eyes and nose.

Elef thought of Sharon’s son, her son, wistfully. How she hated this part of their life. The people whom they had loved so passionately became merely pale ‘others’. Things to be discarded effortlessly as if they did not matter. Lives with no meaning other than as a reflection on who Ayen and Elef had been. Smoke against the brightness of their combined flames. Dancing as shadows to the pull of the blaze.

Once that had been enough, but as time had passed Elef had begun to see the pain that followed in their wake. Life was now without colour. She would leave Larry and Eddy with-out a thought, even when Ayen died she would not, could not, return. The world would be a poorer place. But what had been achieved actually?

Disruption, as always, and more. A stone tossed unthinkingly into a placid pond creating uncountable waves and ripples that echoed for an eternity. They had never come across a pair such as themselves, but what if they had. What horrors could be wrought to someone’s life? What pain unleased as they upturned all in the name of, their, love? It was then that Elef began to consider their love as more of a curse, and to consider ways to end their existence.